Breede River

There are so many beautiful places in this country. This is a part of it that I had almost forgotten about. The Breede River valley has grandiose carved mountains, lush fields of grass and vines and meandering roads that almost lull you into a Zen state. I want to come back here more regularly.

The reason we were passing through this valley was that the Pink Loerie Festival weekend was over. It started (for us) on Thursday night and the vibe was great. There were people everywhere, getting into the spirit and contributing to the economy with their pink rands. Although some of the locals had issues with the colour of the notes, the majority realised that any income during this season and the current climate is welcome, no matter the colour. Certainly most were out on the street during the parade, enjoying the vibrancy that the Festival brings to this sleepy town.

The large group of friends that stayed at the Knysna Backpackers was fantastic – such amazing people and full of laughter and fun. Getting to know them better was a valuable experience and partying with them is of course almost too much fun.

What was interesting for me was realising that us Capetonians can sometimes be quite blasé about the privileges we are afforded in our cosmopolitan city. Hardly anyone in the city bats an eyelid for anything strange or different. In fact, we almost expect it. It adds to the charm of city. The gay society is strong in Cape Town and part of the fibre of the city. No-one would argue that. But we always need to remember that those luxuries aren’t available to everyone yet, regardless of the constitutional rights that are in place for each South African. Sometimes these rights are simply too dangerous to uphold. This is why these festivals are important. No matter how much we think we’ve progressed, we need to be still bring the gay issue to light, to help those that may need that extra bit of help to stand up and say, “This is me!”. For some of us lucky ones, we said these statements for the first time many, many years ago. Many others in less exposed areas of our beautiful coutntry have been to scared to say these words, too scared to admit to their feelings. This festival may have been a turning point for Johnny, or Bob, or Yvette or Xoliswa, where suddenly they didn’t feel alone and afraid anymore. They opened their eyes and saw that it’s ok to just be yourself and love yourself for it. Being a part of that, even if I may not have been aware of it, makes me feel grateful.

Tonight’s gem: “Seek out every possible way to expose your inner light. You never know who may be lost in the darkness.”

election day

Today was a very important day. For all of us. Watching the sun set on this day made me realise that I was watching a part of history unfold. The larger cog of the machinations of humanity turned another full circle today. South Africa came together to decide who would be the next leaders of this young democracy. The importance of what was achieved  today should not be underestimated. People need to have their say. People need to feel that what they believe is important. It is the drive that each of us has. The drive to make our mark, to say “this is what I feel is right and this is how I feel we should act.” This is the ideal. This is the foundation of democracy.

But the sun still went down today. The clouds were a beautiful yellow-pink shade, blanketing the city in a warnth slightly out of place for this presumably winter’s day. The moon will come out tonight and the stars will flicker like they always do. And tomorrow the sun will rise over the mountains again, as it does every morning. If you extract yourself from the human perspective for a while, you might see a different picture. You might glimpse into a world not dominated by leaders or their followers. A world unrestricted by the timelines we create or by the significance we place on them. A world that wants for nothing. Nothing except balance.

This is the picture that I hope all of us held close to our hearts today and this is the picture that I hope frames the offices of all our leaders whom we entrust with our beliefs. Keep this picture close always, through the rough days of crime and poverty, through the glorious days of celebration and success. If you stare deeply enough, you might see yourself, and maybe, just maybe you’ll understand your part in it all.

I really do have amazing friends. That realisation has been dawning on me over the past year. They’re all full of love and honesty – two characteristics that I deem most important in friends. Pretty isn’t important, although like most other men, I like a bit of eye candy. That doesn’t make for a lasting or meaningful relationship in and of itself though. It’s the person who is laid back and casual, free and full of laughter that I feel compelled to be around. Complications are SO tiring and boring. In the words of the fabulous diva: “No more drama!”.

My family also amazes me. Spending time with them again this weekend brought it home to me how lucky I am to have them in my life and in my blood. Relaxed and accepting, funny and quirky, loud and raucous, filled with laughter. Over the years there have been many knocks threatening to sweep the floor out from under us, but we find our footing with each other again and grab hold of each other’s hands, laughing about how silly we can sometimes be.

My parents continually amaze me – the perpetual lovers, facing every facet of life together, strong and steadfast in a deep-rooted and unshaking love. They stand so close to each other, they can see the remnants of all the bumps they’ve faced and all the scars they’ve accumulated during the classroom of life. It doesn’t fade their love. Rather, it amplifies it. They are an example to me, showing me what a true partnership, romance and friendship is all about. I want it too. I’m hoping that I’m at the early stages of it – it feels like it could be.

‘Hold them close. If not in your arms then in your heart and mind.’

It’s been a long time. Way too long in fact. I keep telling myself that there’s a reason, and I guess in some ways there always is. This time I like to think that it’s because of the new man in my life. The man that is captured in this post’s picture. It’s been almost 4 months now since we met and it’s amazing to see that sometimes, the most wonderful things grow from the strangest beginnings.
I was on the path to putting a schedule into my life. I had my gym routine, my writing regime, and I had my own space with my own time. One and the same, but somehow they always feel like 2 separate and tangible entities. I wasn’t particularly interested in becoming involved with anyone romantically. It was the beginning of December and the seasonally energy had started flowing through the veins of the city, like the shot of caffeine from the first morning cup of coffee. I wanted to play, I wanted to dance. I wanted to be me.
It’s always those moments that catch you off guard. You turn around, and staring into your face is the most beautiful smile and the chocolate eyes that you’re sure would melt in your mouth, although you end up melting into them instead.
‘Play calm’, the usual mantra going around in my head. Don’t get attached, you’ve been hurt more times than you’ve been able to forget. My heart doesn’t listen though, and secretly, when I admit it to myself, I like it that way. Live and learn, good or bad. I don’t care, as long as there’s feeling, I know I’m living and I’m happy.
So now there’s a man in my life and I’m feeling the return of emotion that had ebbed away a long time ago. I had settled – settled for stability instead of risk, comfort instead of nail-biting adventure. I had gone soft, forgetting who I was, rather sculpting my life from a collection of glossy magazines – latest fads, superficial social interactions and one-upmanship. No more. That was never me. The actor in me could play it, but not convincingly enough to fool myself. Can you ever?
Now I’m back. On the journey with no end station, but rather the important parts being a series of twists and turns. The exciting part is that I’ve got a travel-buddy now. Someone to look around at the world in wonder and amazement. Someone to climb the mountains with, run through the forests with, lie down in a quiet field at night and watch the stars with.
And the best part of it all? He loves me more, the more that I am me.

It wasn’t a Sunday, but it was too beautiful to resist. I called up my friend Lars and we made our plans to get down to the beach as soon as we could. He was still busy with a shoot, but did everything in his power to wrap it up quickly. I bought some snacks and a bottle of wine and we headed on down to Clifton. As soon as we got there we ran straight into the sea. It was late but we both needed the refreshment. I think I had only just recovered from my previous weekend’s lack of sleep. The bracing water was exactly what was needed.

And then we simply lay there and chatted. Well, chatted and drank and munched. It was exactly what makes me love this city. You can rush down to the beach after work on a Thursday on a hot, humid day, take a quick dip to wash the day away, and kuier and laugh with a good friend. Experiences like these make life memorable and keep me looking forward to more.

Thanks for sharing this with me, Lars. You’re a great friend.

My pondering: “Don’t let a beautiful moment pass you by. Put yourself directly in its path and bask in it as completely as you can.”

I felt the urge to get to this beautiful park. A park I hadn’t visited for quite a while, even though I’ve driven past it at least a few times every week, and I’ve lived within a few hundred metres of it for the past 3 years. This day was the day for it.

I was exhausted from the weekend with my friend Allan, lovingly referred to as ‘The Texan’. Everything is bigger in Texas, and, as I learnt, so are the parties. Allan knew how to have fun. Thus the exhaustion on a Sunday night. I needed a spot to come and sit and reflect.

I walked across to the park, sat myself down on an unoccupied bench near the centre, light a cigarette and looked around at the general goings-on. There were dogs everywhere. That I remembered from the last time. Dogs playing, fighting, sniffing and doing all the wonderfully free and random things that dogs generally do. In tow of two of these creatures was a man who later introduced himself as Linden. He asked me for a cigarette and I of course obliged. We chatted for a bit, although I really struggled to complete my sentences, seeing that the lack of sleep had robbed me of most of my faculties, or at least, certainly my conversational abilities. But he was easy to speak to and didn’t try to engage too deeply, something for which I was quite grateful. I bade him farewell and moved on around the park, continuing my observations and trying to stay awake. But I was still thinking about Linden. It renewed my faith, love and belief in Cape Town and it’s ability to provide for me what is necessary in my life.  I was intrigued by him. He wasn’t the typical guy you meet at the bars or clubs and certainly not the kind who would fit into most of the social circles I’ve come to revolve in. But that was exactly what intrigued me about him.

I sat down on another bench, hoping that I hadn’t seen the last of him. Sure enough, his dogs brought him over to me again. He sat down and we shared another cigarette, sharing more about each other. I was still not sure about which team he batted for, but my gut told me that it was the same as mine. I really needed to sleep by this point, so I made my motions to go. Linden asked to exchange numbers and we did. I guess if I still had doubts, they were lifted now. I wanted him to ask me to his place for coffee right then, but I knew I wouldn’t be great company, so we planned to meet later on in the week. It hasn’t happened yet and I feel bad about that, because I don’t want him to get the impression that I don’t want to get to know more about him. I guess I just seem to be spinning a bit much at the moment and need to ground myself a bit before I can fit new people into my life. I barely seem to have time for myself, let alone all the people that I know and love. But I would like to get to know him a bit better. Better in a friend kind of way. The kind of way that allows you to expand your circle and experience more than you usually allow yourself. So I’m going to make a proper date with him so that I don’t miss out on the ’something’ that I was being led to when Linden came and chatted to me in the park.

Thought for the day: “When a stranger sits down next to you and start talking to you, talk back. You never know what opportunity is being presented to you.”

This place

I’ve always enjoyed this part of Cape Town. It’s remarkably quiet for a City Suburb. You can almost forget that the city is at your feet. It’s probably because the mountain is at your back. There’s a sense of ‘being above it all’, not in a snobbish, colonial or classist way, but rather in a spiritual, detached way. Looking down you can observe without influencing, appreciate without having to interact. The one-on-one activities that consume your everyday existence fall away and become of no importance. It’s this feeling that I’d like to hold on to and carry with me throughout the coming week. Every time doubt, worry, confusion, anger or fear cross my mind, I’ll take myself back to this place and remember how pointless those emotions are. How much they waste the precious moments we have.

The season’s upon us

It’s back. This week was the week that summer started folding over us again. There’s an excitement in the air. A heated excitement. The beaches are filling up, the gyms are packed with frenzied fat-loss freaks and the stores are on their marketing drives again, full of chocolate sins and garish red Santas. What gets my juices flowing is the sun. The source of it all. It’s bringing the life back to Cape Town and everyone can feel it. Driving behind me today were two girls dancing in their car to whatever they were playing on their system. It made me smile, and it made me remember – yet again – why I have such a love for this city, this place in the universe that is so full of diversity, mystery and controversy. It’s something about the unique blend of sea, land, mountain, and people congregated on the tip of Africa that keeps me interested and inspired. I keep saying I’m going to leave to experience something else, but I keep staying. I’m not ready to go yet.

“Find the place, find your space, fill your mind with the sun’s warm embrace. “

I didn’t think I’d get a sunset today. It’s been a strange weather day. Mostly overcast, but with a few bits of open skies thrown in for good measure. I gave up at around 18:30 when I saw that it was overcast. But then at about 18:45 I saw the sky open and rays of sunlight streaming into the city bowl from over the neck. I dashed to my car and rushed up towards Camps Bay where I caught the sun before it dipped below the clouds. Still a stunning sunset though.

Karma saw fit to reward me this week. Ruan was selling his couch, so I said I’d take it off his hands. On Monday night I went over to his place and we moved the couch from his place to mine. Not too tricky -it’s a smallish two-seater and we managed to get it into the lift ok.

The next step was to go to Kim’s place and fetch the couch that Ruan was replacing the old one with. Well, this was a bit trickier. It’s a rather large 3-4 seater. Kim’s flat is on the first floor. With a bit of rope and some careful planning, we maneuvered the unwieldy beast over the balcony and down to the ground. First step successfully overcome. So off to Ruan’s place with me in the back of the van ensuring the couch didn’t go anywhere.

We carried the couch into the lobby of Ruan’s Apartment Block only to realise that there was no way it was going into the lift. A five-storey climb up the stairs was the only option, so we resigned ourselves to it. It took about 20 minutes to climb those stairs – we were two very tired people when we arrived on the 5 floor.

We got the couch into the passage without a problem. But then we realised a few obstacles to couch heaven. We needed to lift the couch vertically so that we could swing it through the doorway. But there were 2 problems with this – firstly, the ceiling on the first floor is lower than in the lobby, so we couldn’t swing the couch vertically. Secondly, Ruan’s doorway is at the end of the passage with about a metre and a half of floor space. So even if we did manage to get it vertical, there was no way that we could’ve swung the couch through the door.

We pondered this for about a minute while the tempting smells of the chicken cooking in Ruan’s oven distracted us. Better to eat and renew our energy and then tackle the problem again, and that’s what we did.

I think Ruan realised that the couch had very little chance of ever seeing the inside of his flat, barring a creative bit of chainsaw handling, so he told me to take it. I was (pardon the pun) taken aback. Not too taken aback to miss the opportunity. So we took the couch back down 5 flights of stairs, back into the van, and then up to my place, where it now has filled up my lounge quite nicely!

So I’ve gone from no furniture (except a few odds-and-sods from Bruce’s antique collection) to 2 lovely couches! The universe is definitely smiling at me, and at this point I am beaming back all cheshire-cat-like.

This is my first post from the comfort of the new large couch, in the place that I’ve come to call home for the last 6 months. It’s really starting to feel like home too. I have a little garden going, I have a place for guests to sit (finally!) and cats to bring a certain warmth and energy, albeit a furry, hairball kind of warmth and energy. I feel I’m slowly creating my kingdom around me. I was never particularly attached to the idea of owning much stuff and I still don’t hold much regard for material things, but I’m enjoying this. I’m getting into the idea of sculpting the world around me in the way I want it to be. It’s happening slowly and organically, allowing me to take small steps and really think about how I want my world to look. I’m grateful for this. It’s a process, not a final outcome. It’s about understanding and accepting my views and perceptions and then making them real.

“It starts with the realisation that we each have something unique to share. After the realisation comes the desire to share that uniqueness with the world. Take that desire and carve paint your canvas, write your song, dance your dance. Create your kingdom.”

It was an earlier sunset this time. I decided to see what it would be like from the city bowl. Still breathtaking.

I didn’t have the ‘me’ time that I usually have though. I was at Brian and Dale’s place. A very peaceful afternoon after quite an eventful weekend, to say the least. But I’m not going to go into that here. I’ll leave that for the book…

A great memory of this past week was spending some QT with Andre, my friend who plays the violin like an angel. I went over to his place to listen to some SACD recordings he has. We sat through Stravinsky’s ‘Rite of Spring’ in it’s entirety, blasting the neighbours away with discordant and cacophonous beauty. I hadn’t heard it for quite some time and this recording was simply fantastic. Neeme Jaarvi conducting. Beautiful phrasings abounded. Instrumentation I hadn’t ever been able to pick out before became amazingly clear. The SACD format really does allow for a clarity of sound and tonal range second to none. It’s a pity it hasn’t taken off more. I understand why though. People wanted portability, not more clarity. SACD quality doesn’t really matter for modern pop music. The range is simply wasted.

He also played me some music from the movie ‘The Red Violin’. Moving stuff, pardon the pun. Andre lent me the DVD to put me in the picture. I know, another terrible pun.

And from one Rite of Spring to another – we donned our party gear and headed for the clubs to partake in the spring festivities for the first real Spring weekend we’ve had so far in Cape Town this year. Let’s just say that the evening didn’t dissappoint…

“Celebration should be enjoyed, not regretted.”

I finally got around to fixing the garden today. Brian and Dale kindly lent me their mower to try and un-jungle the garden. The cats were starting to enjoy the long grass though, but it had to be done.

I went to the nursery in Sea Point and got everything I needed to start my herb garden. Potting soil, compost, mint, parsley, coriander, rosemary, thyme, sweet basil and some kind of lettuce. It took me a few good hours to get it all done – pots and troughs needed to be moved around and I removed the hideous wooden railing that wasn’t serving any purpose. That allowed me to gain a little bit more extra space by moving my pots onto the edge of the garden. The pots need painting, but I’ll get to that next month. The whole exercise cost more than I wanted to spend, but I feel good that I’ve done it now. I was talking about it for so long and the sense of accomplishment after having completed it was definitely worth it.

But today meant more than simply cleaning up the garden and planting a few herbs. It’s a step forward for me. I never cared for gardening before. There were always too many other more important things to do. Now I’m looking forward to caring for and nurturing the plants. It’s another form of responsibility that I’m taking on. The cats were the first major step – the plants are the next. Plants need attention and care and I feel I’m ready for that now. It also allows another way if interacting with Mother Nature. I didn’t think about anything else when I was gardening today. That was a good thing.

“Take the earth between your fingers. Feel it’s contours, smell it’s energy, and let yourself be moved everyday by the rejuvenating power under our feet.”